Memory on Maroon

Today, out of the blue, I unexpectedly felt the pain again...

It happened this afternoon when I was walking back from teaching Japanese privately in Modernland. It was a happy normal day. The sun was friendly and the wind breezed smoothly. There was no sign of dark cloud though we have many pouring rain recently.

I walked from my student's house to get to the angkot waiting area. When I was walking, I listened to my Mp4 player. The first song was nice and quite pumped up the mood. But the second song... Nothing Lasts Forever from Maroon 5. Well, nothing was wrong with this song. I like to hear it every time it is played and I sing along sometimes. In my opinion, this is one of the best song that Maroon 5 has. The problem? Well...

Hmm this song used to play when we were together in his car. Yes, in that ex-boyfriend of mine. I got the sudden pain when the second verse started. It said "it I tried and tried to let you know, I love you but I'm letting go". That line knocked me down. It made my memory started to remember those times. Ukh! I hate it!!

After we broke up, 4 years ago, we were still close. Well, I might say that we were in the "HTS relationship". There were times when we were really close and there were also times when we were really got the distance. When I thought that I can let him go, he was just back. Then the wall that I built around my heart fell down. But when I tried to reach him, he pulled his hand and disappeared. He showed up but he wasn't there. He was always only almost here. Sometimes, I thought that he intentionally played the song to express his thought. That he was letting me go...

I am not sure whether he noticed or not that I always kept silence whenever he played that song. Cause I knew that it was a hint from him. Maybe he was just too reluctant to do it. So, after I heard that song in his car, I convinced myself that I had to let him go to. Days passed, weeks passed, but then he came back again. The circle was continued again and again until several months ago.

If he really wanted to let me go, why did he have to coming back again and again? If he thought that separation was the best thing for us, then why he still contacted me, still asked me out? Then why he had to humiliated me? Well, no one knows...

But I thank God that this time, I didn't cry my eyes out...

I hope that this will be the last time I remember about those things...

Regards,

~If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage~